Rejection [Black Library Open Submissions Window 2011]

Failed Submission - Black Library Open Submissions Window 2011

Okay, for Black Library fans, you may remember that sometime during last year, they held an Open Submissions Window, for unsolicited authors to have their attempt at getting published. And, unsurprisingly, as this was my first ever submission for either a short story or a novel, my lone short story submission, The Skyfall Incident, as it was called - failed to please the powers that be. So, there's no harm in showing you it here, I guess:

The Skyfall Incident Synopsis

The Skyfall Incident takes place in the early M41 on the planet of Skyfall, where Jarl Olric Tonison leads his Great Company into battle against a warband of Red Corsairs. However, things quickly go wrong and it is only by the intervention of the Dark Angels third company, lead by Company Master Adrexal – that the Red Corsairs are defeated.

However, it is shortly revealed that the Dark Angels are not just here to aid the Wolves, for their chapter has another, hidden agenda... one that Olric Tonison is determined to find out.

--                                       

We open the short story with Company Master Adrexal, who has just arrived via Drop Pod to deliver the fight to the chaos forces – seemingly to aid a band of Space Wolves entrenched around a spaceport, fighting for their lives. Making his way towards the heart of the enemy lines, Adrexal seeks out the Red Corsairs champion; a warrior named Mercanaz Vyze and cuts him down ruthlessly in a short, one-sided clash. However, just as Vyze is about to die – Adrexal remarks that the champion isn’t the one that he’s looking for.

We then switch to the point of view of Jarl Tonison, the Wolf Lord in command of the Space Wolves who is annoyed that he did not fulfil his oath that he made before battle – that he would kill Vyze. Seeking out Adrexal to try and regain his honour – they argue about an honour duel between the two forces. Adrexal wants the chaos forces defeated before the honour duel, but Tonison wants the duel here and now.

Eventually the Wolf Lord wins over, but on the condition that none of the commanders take part in the duel – it has to be someone else, who will complete Tonison’s oath for him, as well as performing the tradition started between the chapters two Primarchs, Russ and the Lion.

Tonison dispatches his closest friend, a warrior called Vasir Two-Claw, who goes up against Fedric Lorn, of the Dark Angels. The fight begins, with both warriors evenly matched.

As the fight continues, unbeknownst to all save Tonison, Adrexal and a small portion of the Third Company disappear during the fight, prompting the Wolf Lord and his Wolf Guard (other than Vasir), to follow them, ordering all of the astartes to put on their helmets so that the Dark Angels do not recognise who is missing.

Following the Dark Angels to a cavern beneath the spaceport, the Space Wolves are cut off from the Dark Angels by the appearance of a Chaos Dreadnought. Luckily, a Space Wolf Venerable Dreadnought is nearby – and comes to the aid of the Wolf Guard, destroying it as several more chaos forces appear from the outside, cutting off the Wolf Guard and the Dreadnought from their own lines, and with vox-links jammed, all the Wolves can do is follow the Dark Angels. Ordering the Dreadnought to remain behind to guard the entrance, they follow them.

Meanwhile, the fight between Vasir and Lorn continues, with Lorn managing to disarm Vasir’s weapon but in doing so loses his own Crozius. It has now become a fistfight, with the Wolves and the Dark Angels too engaged in the fight to notice anything has happened to their commanders.

Back with Tonison and his Wolf Guard, they enter a small anti-chamber off what seems to be a temple, and in which they overhear Dark Angels confronting a member of the Fallen below. (Note that the Space Wolves don’t know who the Fallen is).

After the Dark Angels confront the Fallen, they too are ambushed by more traitors – Terminator Armoured Red Corsairs, and the Fallen reveals that he did a favour for Huron Blackheart in order to get the Red Corsairs to work for him, distracting the Space Wolves so he could seek his prize – a vault containing artefacts lost concerning the Dark Angels past.

At this, the Space Wolves interfere, and due to the fact that the majority of their Wolf Guard is in Terminator Armour as well, they manage to overwhelm the Red Corsairs and defeat them. They then ask why the Dark Angels have so much interest in the Fallen to be able to walk away from an honour duel, as to which the Dark Angels refuse to answer, and say that they will take up arms against the Wolves if they ask any more questions.

The short cuts back to the Honour Duel, as to which the fight continues with Vasir finally gaining ground on Lorn, and defeating him – becoming the one to draw first blood. The duel is now over, and both sides go their respective ways, each faction attempting to locate their commanders.

Back in the temple, the Wolves eventually desist and leave the Temple, with a wary eye on the Dark Angels – who leave the Temple shortly after, the Fallen Angel taken captive in the process of the fighting.

The Wolf Guard head back to their forces, and upon learning that Vasir is victorious, they congratulate him – not caring about the Dark Angels leaving orbit. Then, the Space Wolves continue the subjugation of the planet, and Tonison vows that he will one day find out what that astartes taken captive by the Dark Angels really was.

Other ending ideas: Tonison is cut down by the Dark Angels upon discovering the Fallen, and they inform the rest of the Wolves that he and his Wolf Guard were cut down by traitors, before departing – leaving the remaining wolves to mop up the remaining Red Corsairs, and to elect a new leader.

Note that the 1000 words below includes the title and the “1000 word sample extract statement.

The Skyfall Incident

1000 word sample extract

USING THE VOX-LINK on a private channel, the Jarl contacted his chosen champion – the astartes that would hold the honour of the Vlka Fenryka on the line, and try to defeat whoever the Dark Angels champion was. By tradition, the fight was to be fought until there would be only one triumphant victor – be him a scion of the Wolf-King, or an heir of the Lion. Then, after the battle was decided, the chapters would either go their separate ways or continue the campaign. Luckily, Tonison’s Great Company had a warrior equal to the task of an honour duel. In the Jarl’s opinion, the chosen warrior was the best out of the two hundred warriors under his command – and the one who would one day become better than Tonison himself.

There would be no question about it as to who would succeed the Wolf Lord as commander of the Great Company. Even amongst other Companies, it was a widely held view that the successor of Olric Tonison would be Vasir, called Two Claw by his brothers, mainly due to the weapons that he wielded. The twin wolf claws that he had selected upon introduction to the Wolf Guard, and had wielded them with pride ever since.

Vasir had never lost a duel against other members of Tonison’s Great Company, the Jarl himself only emerging victorious after a tense, close encounter in the training halls. Since then, Vasir had only grown stronger – and the next time that both brothers traded blows, Tonison doubted that he would come out on top.

All of the Vlka Fenryka present on Skyfall was eagerly anticipating this moment, as this was the first time that the majority of them had encountered the Dark Angels before, and wanted to uphold the chapter’s honour in this duel. Although only one Wolf knew he would be chosen, the rest of the younger, hot-headed and egotistical Blood Claws were grinning with anticipation beneath their grey-coloured helmets as they pictured themselves standing triumphantly on top of the Dark Angels fallen champion, greeted by cheers of their brothers.

A one word bark was enough to cut short those anticipations, spoken directly to the chosen recipient. “Vasir.”

The astartes who would partake in the honour duel stepped forward, and marched into the makeshift circular arena that was no more than five meters from the centre to the edge, which was a barrier consisting not of metal, but of armoured angels of death. Mixtures of the two chapters were present around the outside, selected members chosen by the commanders to be the front line spectators.

The Dark Angels occupied one half of the circle, with the Rout taking up the other – there was to be no combining of the two chapters, especially as they shared a mutual hatred to each other, a hatred that had been around since when the Primarchs themselves travelled the sea of stars.

Vasir was in the ring by now, his two feet planted firmly in a defensive stance. He was taller than most adeptus astartes, which would give him advantage if it came to a fist fight. Not that it would, of course – for Vasir would not show the Dark Angel champion any sort of mercy – and would only let up from the combat when he had his head on the floor – covered in dust.

And then the champion stepped forward. He was clad in green armour, the colour that the sons of the Lion had worn with pride since after the Horus Heresy. Like some of their chapter, the warrior wore a hood over his head to give him the look of a monk. An armoured, superhuman and deadly monk – but a monk nonetheless.

The Dark Angel’s weapon of choice was a power sword, no longer dry due to the blood that it had tasted in the previous battle, where the combined tactics of the Vlka Fenryka and the Dark Angels had managed to emerge triumphant against a far more superior foe. As was the tradition, there would be no guns used in this Honour Duel. It was an Honour Duel, after all, not an exchange of gunfire.

Both warriors were facing each other now, directly opposite with their eyes locked. Watching from the sidelines, Tonison didn’t need to be a genius to tell that the atmosphere had already changed. Warcries were bellowed by both sides, as they chanted their respective Primarchs name beneath the setting sun.

“I want to hear the name of the warrior who is foolish enough to challenge me,” the champion of the Dark Angels spat, viewing the Vlka Fenryka as little more than animals. Of course, the Wolves cared not – they had been viewed in this way since before the Horus Heresy.

“Vasir.”

“Is that it?” the Dark Angel raised an eyebrow. He had no helmet, so his facial features were exposed directly for the Wolves to look at. The warrior was bald, with a wizened veteran face that had no doubt seen many battles. “No title?”

“You are not worthy of one,” Vasir uttered, earning a roar from the Vlka Fenryka gathered around the outside.

Ignoring the jeers as though they were merely the sound of a gust of wind, Vasir’s opponent spoke his name. “I am Fedric Lorn, Champion of the Dark Angels Third Company, proud son of the Lion and it is with his blessing that I shall smite you.”

“I’d like to see you try,” the Vlka Fenryka champion uttered, and glanced in his commander’s direction. Moments later, Tonison’s vox crackled into life, in a voice that was recognisably Vasir’s. “I won’t let you down, my Jarl.”

“I know you won’t, Vasir,” responded Tonison. “Just remember that this is an Honour Duel.”

There was no response from the champion of the Space Wolves, who merely turned his attention back in the direction of Fedric Lorn, and snarled beneath his blood-stained helmet.

“Let the duel commence. May the best warrior win.”